


Sea Lions

by fancyasscheeseballs (girlattherockshow)



Series: Sarah and Barba [3]
Category: Law & Order: SVU, Rafael Barba - Fandom, Raul Esparza - Fandom
Genre: Conquering Fear, F/M, First Date, Love, Overwhelmed, Zoo, sea lions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-23
Updated: 2015-07-23
Packaged: 2018-04-10 18:56:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4403366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girlattherockshow/pseuds/fancyasscheeseballs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sarah and Rafael's first date at the zoo.  Rafael is so nervous that he has a hard time being himself.  What will it take for him to show Sarah something real?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sea Lions

**Author's Note:**

  * For [booyahfordhamlaw](https://archiveofourown.org/users/booyahfordhamlaw/gifts).



> Sorry it's taken me so long to get this one out to you guys. Between this and Perception, and dealing with some personal life issues, it's just taken me a while. Hopefully the next one won't be so far out. I kind of struggled with this one for a while, too. I wanted to strike the right balance, but I think I pulled it off. You just have to keep in mind that this is Rafael totally outside his element. The point is for him to be taken places he wouldn't ordinarily be. So thanks for your patience and enjoy this one.

Rafael paced his living room, clutching his phone in one hand and a scotch in the other. He didn't know why this was so difficult. It was just a phone call, after all. She probably wouldn't remember who he was, despite having had a friendly dinner the previous week. Or she would remember and then make some excuse meant to let him down gently but which would just serve to embarrass him. Then again, women didn't just give their numbers out without expecting a call, did they? Then again, given that he hadn't dated in four years, he wasn't exactly in a position to make that judgment. Sighing, he finished off the glass of scotch in one gulp, and nervously hit "send" on the number that had been sent as a text a week ago.

She answered on the second ring. "Hello?"

"Uh… hi, this is Rafael."

There was a pause, just long enough to make him think she had, in fact, forgotten who he was. But then she said brightly, "Hi there! Took you long enough."

 _Oh, shit… did I wait too long?_ "I'm sorry, it's just been a crazy week at work," he lied. "How are you?"

"I'm doing well," she replied. "Just writing up a review of the new dessert bar that just opened in Midtown. Have you been?"

"No," he said. "I'm not a big dessert guy."

"Oh, but you haven't tasted my chocolate chip cookies yet." _Yet?_

"That's very true. Maybe you'll convert me," he said. "So, uh, I was just thinking… do you think you might want to join me for dinner on Saturday?"

"Oh, I'd love to," she replied, "but I'm working Saturday night."

"Oh," he said, trying not to sound disappointed. "Well, that's okay, maybe some other-"

"But I'm wide open Sunday!" She interjected. He could hear her typing away in the background and for some reason thought about how lovely her hands were.

"Really?" _Smooth, Rafael._ "So… dinner Sunday, then?"

"Well, actually, I don't know how much you like animals, but since we've already shared dinner, would you be up for a trip to the Bronx zoo?"

"The zoo?" He hadn't been to the zoo since he was a kid on a field trip. It didn't seem like something you did on your own as an adult. But he was so nervous that before he knew it, a "yes" escaped his lips.

"Great!" She said, sounding excited. "You can meet me over at my place if you want."

"Okay," he said, all but running to his kitchen to write down her address on his whiteboard. "What's your address?"

"2148 2nd Avenue #4C," she replied. "I'm in East Harlem."

"I know exactly where that is, because it's about twenty minutes from my place," he said. "What time?"

"Let's say around nine?"

"Nine it is. I'll see you then," he said. They said goodbye, and as soon as he hung up, he realized he had a whole new set of problems. Now he actually had to go on the date.

* * *

Two days later, Sarah's doorbell rang at 9:00am sharp. She was almost ready, but getting dressed was always the last thing she did and she hadn't made it that far yet. She was still wearing her short, pink bathrobe. But she didn't want to leave him standing in the hall, so she held her head high and walked to the door. _Good lord, if he doesn't turn and run…_

"Um… hi?" Rafael stood in the doorway with his mouth open, thinking he'd arrived too early. Instinctively, he looked at his watch.

"I know, I know, I'm late!" She stepped aside to allow him to come inside. "I swear, all I need to do is put on some clothes." As he entered, he pulled his other hand from behind his back and presented her with a large bouquet of tulips.

"I had a hunch you liked tulips. You just seem like a tulip person," he said, as she took the bouquet from him happily.

"This is so sweet!" She said, heading toward the kitchen for a vase. "I don't think anyone's ever bought me tulips."

Rafael watched her stand on her toes to reach a large purple vase and then fill it with water. She put them in the middle of her kitchen table and smiled. "I'll be right back." With that, she scurried off through a door attached to the living room, leaving Rafael to his own devices.

He turned in a circle, taking in the rest of her apartment. Adjacent to the kitchen was the living room, furnished with a white sofa and overstuffed chair. The hardwood floor was covered with a purple, shaggy rug that looked to be extremely soft. There was an oak bookshelf covered partially by books and partially by framed photos. He sat down on the sofa and opened one of the books on the coffee table next to her laptop. It turned out to be a photo album full of what looked to be high school and college memories. Sarah was apparently involved in drama club, because there were photos of her onstage in full costume, as a flapper, a 50s teenybopper, a nun. He smiled at photos of her at a protest and outside a polling place. She was also apparently a member of a sorority, as there were shots of her with her sorority sisters and, well, shots. It suddenly occurred to him that several of these photos were probably taken not more than five years earlier.

"Ready?" Her voice made him jump, and he turned to see her standing at the fridge, a large messenger-style bag slung across her body. She had layered two tank tops and a pair of denim walking shorts, but the thing that stuck out most were the bright pink Pumas that capped off her long, pale legs.

"Yes," he said, suddenly feeling ridiculous in his Burberry polo, khaki shorts, and boat shoes.

"Good," she said, putting two bottles of water into her bag. "We need to get there early to get a good view of the sea lion feeding!"

* * *

They reached the zoo about an hour after it opened, and Sarah wanted to head straight for the sea lion feeding. Rafael didn't argue; he had no real agenda here, other than to try to survive the day without embarrassing himself. They got a seat right up front and while they were waiting, Sarah pulled out some granola bars from her bag.

"I'm going to start calling you Mary Poppins," Rafael said.

"You wouldn't be the first," she replied, handing him one. He opened it and took a bite. Peanut butter - she couldn't have known it was his favorite.

"So why the sea lions?"

"I'm sorry?" She chewed her granola thoughtfully.

"Why such a hurry to see the sea lions?"

"Same reason I wanted to see you. They're cute." Rafael blushed. Not that he doubted his good looks, but he wasn't used to anyone else acknowledging them, especially not in such a direct way.

"Besides sea lions, is there anything else you really wanted to see today?"

"Is 'everything' an answer?" She smiled. "I like all animals. If I could, I would have a thousand cats."

"I like animals," he said. It was the truth. He liked them. But he'd never even owned so much as a goldfish growing up.

"So," she continued, "you were looking through my photos."

"Guilty," he said, a bit sheepishly. "I didn't take you for a sorority girl."

"I didn't take you for a lawyer," she said.

"Really? Most people assume that's what I am," he said, finishing off the granola bar and dusting his hands off.

"Most people assume I'm unemployed because I blog for a living," she replied, following suit. "I assume they're just jealous that I get to work in my pajamas all day."

"Do you like what you do?"

"I wouldn't do it if I didn't," she said. "Do you?"

"Of course," he said. He had, of course, told her that he was a prosecutor, but he hadn't told her the kind of cases he prosecuted. He didn't want to come across as a workaholic or a downer. "It's a challenge, of course, but I like that."

"What do you like to do outside of work?"

He hesitated. The truth was, he didn't really have any hobbies because his job took up so much of his time. The only thing he really enjoyed doing after work was drinking a scotch and watching Jeopardy. But Sarah was clearly a vibrant, young woman who would want to date someone with a variety of hobbies. So, he pulled a lawyer: he lied. "I like working out," he said, hoping that sounded plausible. "Running, it clears my mind. And I read, too. What about you?"

"I'm a reader, too," she said. "I like some chick-lit, but mostly I read non-fiction, true crime, biographies, stuff like that. I just finished Helter Skelter, actually, and I just started re-reading The Devil Wears Prada. I try to alternate between heavy and light reading. What about you? What do you like to read?"

"Fiction mostly." _Please don't ask for authors,_ he thought.

"Hm," she said, and it appeared she was about to say something else, but then, a stocky, blonde zookeeper came out of a tunnel with two large, black sea lions following close behind. "Ooh, show's starting!" She lightly grabbed his arm, just beneath his shirt sleeve. He stiffened, hoping she couldn't feel the goosebumps beneath the warmth of her hands.

"Welcome to the Bronx Zoo, ladies and gentlemen! My name is Mike, and my job here at the zoo is to work with the sea mammals we have here." A group of young kids sitting lower down the risers oohed and aahed, even though the guy had barely said his name. The sea lions splashed in the water around him, swimming back and forth with glee.

"Now, the two boys in the lake are George and Ringo," he said. "John and Paul are in time-out right now." The crowd laughed. Mike withdrew a few fish from a large bucket and threw them into the water. That seemed to have gotten the animals' attention, because after they ate the fish, they climbed out of the water and followed him as he walked back and forth on the faux rock structure.

"Aren't they adorable?" Sarah cooed. Anyone else acting this way might have annoyed him. She just made him smile.

"I don't know if you guys know this, but sea lions are easily trainable. The U.S. Navy even uses them to detain scuba divers! So, while these Beatles may not be able to play guitar, I can show you a few other cool tricks we've taught them here." Mike tossed another fish out to one of the sea lions, who barked appreciatively, a loud, hoarse roar.

"That sound is why they call them lions," Mike continued. "They sometimes even grow manes!" The kids continued to squeal in appreciation. As he talked, Mike would hold fishes and shrimp over George and Ringo's heads, nonverbal cues to perform certain tricks. They would backflip into the water occasionally, as if they needed a quick cool-down after a workout. But as soon as Mike pulled another fish from the bucket, they would be right back on the edge of the rocks, barking at him.

Suddenly, Mike put the lid back on the container of fish and set it down. George and Ringo stared at it as if trying to figure out a way to knock it over without being noticed. "I just had a thought," he said. "Anyone want to volunteer to come help me get George here to do a handstand?" Every one of the kids in the group beneath them stretched their hands high over their heads, straining to be seen. Sarah glanced over at Rafael. His eyes were darting from the kids to the sea lions and back, the slightest hint of a smile on his face.

Mike crossed over from the rock island to the pavement and came to stand just in front of the risers. He then selected a slight, small boy, maybe ten years old, from the back of the group of kids. He guided the child to the far edge of the enclosure, onto a small raised area overlooking the edge of the pool, then stood next to him. A zoo employee appeared seemingly from nowhere and handed Mike a miniature version of the same bucket he had just been using.

"Okay, kiddo, what's your name?"

The little boy looked up at him and pushed his shaggy black hair out of his eyes. His voice was barely audible, but he responded, "Mario."

"Okay, Mario, you ready to help me out?" Mario hesitated. He looked back toward the group. Though the kids were all excited to see what would happen next, they weren't exactly forthcoming with words of encouragement for him.

"Poor kid," Rafael whispered to Sarah. "He looks terrified."

"Think so?"

"Absolutely," he replied. "It's one thing to raise your hand, but it's another to actually get picked out of the crowd."

Mike also seemed to sense Mario's hesitation, because he looked back up at the crowd. "You know, Mario, I just got an idea. These guys are kind of like movie stars, right? Everyone always wants their photos, they get fed whenever they want, and they get to lounge by the pool all day!" Laughter echoed through the crowd, and Mike continued. "So shouldn't each of our movie stars have his own assistant?"

Mario nodded, trying to hide his relief. Mike looked up among the crowd again. "Anyone want to come down and help my friend Mario?" He scanned everyone's eyes, and though several kids raised their hands, he seemed to be looking for something specific. Rafael's eyes settled on Mario; the kid looked half-ashamed, half-scared. He probably never expected to be noticed and, if Rafael's hunch was correct, only raised his hand because everyone else did. He kept looking back at the sea lions in the water, as if they were going to jump out and attack him. They were, after all, three times his size.

Suddenly, Rafael felt his hand raising from his side.

"Seriously?" Sarah said, her eyes widening. "What are you-"

"Okay, we have ourselves a winner!" Mike waved for Rafael to come join them, and the crowd clapped politely as he made his way down the steps. He stood between the two of them, with Mario eyeing him suspiciously. "Okay, all set?"

When Mario still seemed unsure, Rafael knelt down beside him. "Hey, Mario. I'm Rafael." He extended his hand, and Mario shook it gingerly. He was about to put on a show of bravery for the boy's benefit, but then thought back to his school days. He remembered how, whenever he was scared and his father told him to "man up." It had taken him years into his adult life to learn that fear was a normal emotion. So, he changed tactics. "I'm a little scared right now. Are you scared too?"

Mario nodded almost imperceptibly, his brown eyes boring into Rafael's. Rafael knew he was trying not to let his friends see. He smiled kindly.

"Would you feel better if we fed them at the same time?"

"Yes," Mario said, a little shakily. Rafael nodded, and stood up.

"I think we're ready now," he said to Mike, who grinned and picked up the small bucket. He opened it and the pungent smell of anchovies immediately struck him. He held his breath and took a couple fish from the pail, handing one to Mario.

"Gross!" Mario grinned for the first time. It would figure that the grossest thing about this entire experience would be the best part for him. As soon as the sea lions realized that the food had returned, they swam right up to the edge of the pen, flipping back and forth beneath the blue. Rafael could feel droplets of water spritzing his arms.

Meanwhile, Sarah sat in the audience stunned by what she was seeing. The entire morning, Rafael had barely said two complete sentences to her, but when it came to this little boy, he was more than happy to be vulnerable. She was caught between finding it adorable and being annoyed. Still, she looked on smiling, despite herself. At least it proved he had a heart under all the layers of Burberry and scotch.

"Okay, guys, so what you're going to do is lean over just a little bit…" Mike demonstrated, and Rafael followed suit, looking down at Mario, whose arm barely made it over the edge. _Probably for the best,_ Rafael thought. _I'm really not in the mood to take a swim._ "And eventually, George and Ringo will lift themselves out of the water onto the little edge there and take the food from you. Don't worry, now, they won't bite."

Mario's arm was shaking. Rafael leaned over and whispered, "Don't worry. If they're going to take anyone for a swim, it's going to be me. I bark just like them." At this, Mario laughed impishly, and before they realized what was happening, George and Ringo were right in front of them, arching their necks upward to catch the fish in their mouths.

"One," Rafael counted, "two… THREE! Let go!" Both of them let go of the fish at the same time, and the sea lions gobbled them up appreciatively. The crowd cheered loudly, and Rafael gave Mario a high five. While Mike congratulated them, Mario beamed at his friends in the crowd before running off to join them. Mike offered Rafael some hand sanitizer, and Rafael took it just as happily as the sea lions had taken the fish. It then occurred to him to look back at Sarah, who was shaking her head in astonishment, a surprised smile spread across her lips.

* * *

A few hours later, they found themselves wandering through the African Plains section of the park. Sarah stopped on one of the viewing decks and gazed out across the expanse. There was no one in this section of the park except for them. Rafael came to stand next to her and leaned on the wooden railing.

"What did you think I did for a living?"

She jumped a bit at his voice against the quiet. "What?"

"Earlier," he said, "you told me you didn't take me for a lawyer. What did you think I did?"

"I don't know," she replied. "Maybe an actor."

He raised an eyebrow. "That's a new one."

"Well, you're doing an awfully good job of putting on different faces today," she said, looking him directly in the eye.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He'd never been one for disingenuousness, so to be accused of it was particularly offensive. But Sarah just shrugged.

"It's just that you're different from the night we met," she said. "When we went to dinner, you were incredibly talkative, funny, even a little insulting at times… but you were interesting. Today I've got some watered down version of you who's barely said a full sentence to me, other than basic first-date cliches. The only time I saw a glimpse of the guy I met the other night was at the sea lion exhibit. With that little kid, you were genuine. But after that, you went right back into robot mode. So either you're a really good actor or something's going on."

Rafael was taken aback by her forthrightness. Even among the best (and worst) attorneys he knew, such honesty was rare. He sighed, defeated.

"I'm sorry," he said. "You have to understand, in my line of work, there's not much of a social life to be had. I don't get out much, especially not to date."

"But the other night-"

"That was different. It wasn't a date. It was just two people talking." He glanced at her.

She sighed and took a seat on a wooden bench nearby. "Tell me something about you that no one else knows," she said.

He paused. "Do you remember at the sea lion show, those little kids down from us who were just, like, enraptured by everything that zookeeper did?"

"Yeah?"

"It made me remember that before I wanted to be a lawyer, I wanted to be a teacher." He sat down next to her.

"Really? Then why didn't you do that?"

"Let's just say that I didn't have the greatest childhood," he said. "And I was always afraid that because of that, I wouldn't be able to relate to kids… or even tolerate them." He looked out across the expanse of land. In the distance, a mother giraffe nursed her baby.

Sarah was very quiet for a moment, and then said, "Based on what I saw today, you'd have been a great teacher."

"You think so?"

"You knew that kid was terrified from the second you saw him up there," she said. "And somehow, you knew just what to say to him to help him face that fear."

"I just told him that it was okay to be afraid." He looked at his hands.

"Do you know how few adults are willing to admit that?" Rafael snorted. He knew exactly how few, because he had once been one of them. Sarah put her hand on his, and he shivered, despite the warmth of the late afternoon sun on his skin. He looked down and examined her fingers. They were slightly calloused, a typist's hands, but he liked it. She wasn't like other women he'd met, hardened cops or young, polished lawyers. She was a bit rough around the edges, unafraid to be loud or call him on his bullshit. He raised his eyes to meet hers. Her eyebrows were pressed together, a crease in the middle.

"Are you afraid now?" She asked.

"Not afraid," he said, running his thumb over her knuckle. "Just… unsure."

"You don't need to be," she said. "I'm like a sea lion. Easily distracted by food, and I try not to bite."

He stood up and crossed the deck, running his hand through his hair. His nerves were frayed. After an entire day of carefully monitoring what he said and how he said it, he felt like a balloon about to burst.

"You don't understand. I'm unsure because I don't know why we're here. You're young and beautiful and really quite well-spoken. You were in a sorority, for God's sake. I have no idea why you want to date me."

At that, she burst off of the chair like a lightning bolt and walked toward him, stopping about halfway. Her hazel eyes flared, and she crossed her long arms. "Did it ever occur to you, Rafael, that maybe this sorority girl has no idea why you want to go out with her, either?"

He blinked. It hadn't, actually.

"I… what?"

She fidgeted, softening a bit. For the first time that day, Sarah seemed nervous. Her voice shook when she spoke. "Yeah, I was shocked when you called me. I didn't expect you to. You're an educated, handsome, successful attorney. Maybe a bit of an overdresser, but at least you try, which is more than I can say for most guys my own age. What in the world would make me think you would want to go out with a twenty-five year old blogger?"

It then occurred to Rafael that he wasn't the only one who was afraid.

He let out a soft sigh, forcibly relaxed his face, and walked slowly toward her. She reciprocated, approaching him like a deer that might run if he felt threatened. As they came closer together, he noticed that freckles dotted her cheeks and nose. Her hair looked lighter as the sunlight bounced off of it.

His skin was light enough to provide a beautiful contrast between his thick, dark hair and his deep green eyes. His arms were more defined than she'd initially realized, and stronger too, as they wrapped around her waist. His lips made a coy smile, barely parted, and were warm as they met hers.

He worried the grey in his own would be reflected. He did not know that she wouldn't care if it did. She worried she wouldn't be as good as the other women he'd kissed. She did not know that he had never kissed anyone the way he kissed her then.

They stayed that way for a very long time. When they finally pulled apart, Sarah smiled and leaned in to hug him very tightly around the neck.

"I told you," she said. "I'm like a sea lion. Very easily pleased."

He hugged her back, wrapping his fingers in her hair. Then, softly, he whispered in her ear: "One… two… three… let go."


End file.
